By welcoming ‘Honest Bob’ Jenrick into the fold, the Reform seer is embracing the uniparty chaos he claimed to be seeing off

Like a 1970s rust-belt serial killer, Nigel Farage is painstakingly assembling around him the political corpses of Boris Johnson’s final, terrible cabinet. Think about it. You never see Reform’s defectors after the initial unveiling press conference, and I’m beginning to wonder what happens to them. I think Nigel amateurishly embalms them or stuffs them with horsehair and sackcloth, then seats them round a “cabinet” table in his cellar, where they all silently agree with him at all times, and never interrupt him.

But look, I’m prepared to consider more outlandish fan theories too, particularly after the sheer farce of Robert Jenrick’s defection on Thursday. If Nigel’s sloppy-seconding carries on at this rate, the Reform/Conservative party differentiation is going to feel a lot like it did when Bucks Fizz factionalised and split, then mounted rival tours of the UK. Neither music nor the United Kingdom was the beneficiary.

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist

I’d love to claim the Hand & Heart in Nottingham taught me something profound – but it was mostly about bankrolling free rounds

When I was a teenager, before Tripadvisor, pubs lived as mental notes rather than star ratings. There was the one where – exactly like that scene in The Inbetweeners – we realised they’d serve us a pint at 16 if we ordered some food (one shared plate of chips). There was the one you might get lucky in on Christmas Eve; the one you’d take a girl to, to impress her with the romantic views; and the one that only served cider in halves because it was so brain cell-poppingly strong – a pub best tackled before a bank holiday Monday, known colloquially as “Super Cider Sunday”, when you still had a few brain cells to spare.

She was a star at 14, learned how to act with the whole world watching, then stepped away to discover herself. Now she’s back in the new Tomb Raider – and a Die Hard-style thriller

Sophie Turner has a screwball comedy vibe in real life – elegant trouser suit, arch but friendly expression, perfect hair, she looks ready for some whipsmart repartee and a sundowner. She seems very comfortable in her own skin, which is unusual anyway when you’re not quite 30, but especially incongruous given her various screen personas: first, in Game of Thrones. Thirteen when she was cast as Sansa Stark, 14 when she started filming, she embodied anxious, aristocratic self-possession at an age when a regular human can’t even keep track of their own socks. Six seasons in, arguably at peak GoT impact, she became Jean Grey in X-Men: Apocalypse, a role she reprised in 2019 for Dark Phoenix, action-studded and ram-jammed with superpowers.

Now she’s the lead in Steal, a Prime Video drama about a corporate heist, though that makes it sound quite desk and keyboard-based when, in fact, it is white-knuckle tense and alarmingly paced. The villains move in a malevolent swarm like hornets; hapless middle managers are slain almost immediately; it’s impossible to tell for the longest time whether we’re looking at gangster thugs or hacking geniuses, motivated by avarice or anarchy. It’s a first-time screenplay by novelist Sotiris Nikias (who writes crime under a pseudonym, Ray Celestin), and it feels original, not so much in the action and hyperviolence as in the trade-offs it refuses to make: whatever explosions are going on, however much chasing around a dystopian pension-fund investment office, you still wouldn’t call it an action drama. It has a novelistic feel, like characters from a David Nicholls book woke up in Die Hard, and there’s a constant swirl, as you try to figure out who’s the assailed and who’s the assailant.

Tourists keen to see island where couple exchanged vows, seven-star hotel where they stayed and paths trodden by their celebrity guests

For the residents of Venice who travel daily through the city’s waterways, the small wooden floating jetty outside the Gritti Palace hotel is nothing special, “no different to a London underground stop”, as Igor Scomparin, a tour guide, puts it.

But for a certain type of tourist it is a must-see spot. In June last year, Kim Kardashian disembarked from a water taxi here and navigated its planks during the five-day wedding of the billionaire Amazon boss, Jeff Bezos, and Lauren Sánchez, a former TV journalist.

This week’s furore is microplastics researchers’ ozone moment. If they fail, the powerful plastics lobby will step into the breach

• Debora MacKenzie is a science journalist and author of Stopping the Next Pandemic: How Covid-19 Can Help Us Save Humanity

Are we being injured and killed by ubiquitous, teeny-tiny shards of toxic plastic? Or aren’t we? For many months, the Guardian has reported a series of worrying scientific results that our bodies are full of jagged microplastic particles that could be giving us everything from heart attacks to reproductive problems.

But on Tuesday, the Guardian revealed that a significant number of scientists think many of these studies showed no such thing. Or maybe they did. The methods are new and riddled with problems, so we can’t always reliably tell.

Debora MacKenzie is a science journalist and author of Stopping the Next Pandemic: How Covid-19 Can Help Us Save Humanity

An appetite for self-destruction left Dave Vanian, Captain Sensible and Rat Scabies hugely influential but financially insecure. They’re back with a big show and their first album together since 1995

‘There isn’t one songwriter, and so the flavour of the band is always going to change,” says Dave Vanian, reflecting on 50 years of the group of which he has been the sole constant member, the Damned. “Captain Sensible is a great fan of syrupy pop music and prog and glam rock. So his writing is very poppy, melodic and quite wonderful. My writing is more melodramatic, more theatrical. And Rat Scabies was a mod who really loved bands like the Who. That melting pot would either not work at all, or be an absolute firecracker.” As the history of the Damned attests, it has, on occasion, been both.

There have been three break-ups: in the late 70s, late 80s and early 90s; Sensible and Scabies have had repeated spells out of the band; Scabies only started working with them again in 2022, after 27 years away. “The rift was really between him and Captain,” says Vanian, though at one time or another, it seems as though each of the three principals has been in a relationship-ending rage with one or both of the others.

President raises pressure on European allies as US envoy says deal to take island ‘should and will be made’

• Fear in Greenland as threat of invasion looms

Donald Trump has threatened to impose tariffs on countries that do not “go along” with his plan to annex Greenland, increasing pressure on European allies who have opposed his effort to take over the Arctic territory.

After a tense week in which Nato allies deployed troops to the largely autonomous territory, which is part of the Danish kingdom, the US president announced he might punish countries that do not support his plans to take over Greenland, using force if necessary.

Laila Cunningham accused of endangering Muslims after saying: ‘If you’re hiding your face, you’re hiding it for a criminal reason’

Reform UK’s mayoral candidate for London has been accused of endangering Muslims after she said women wearing the burqa should be subject to stop and search.

Laila Cunningham, who was announced as Reform’s candidate for the 2028 mayoral elections last week, said no one should cover their face “in an open society”, adding: “It has to be assumed that if you’re hiding your face, you’re hiding it for a criminal reason.”

Craig Guildford’s retirement comes after inquiry found force used ‘exaggerated and untrue’ intelligence to justify ban

Craig Guildford has announced his retirement as chief constable of West Midlands police, after an official inquiry found his force used “exaggerated and untrue” intelligence to justify a ban on fans of an Israeli football team.

The pressure on one of Britain’s most senior chief constables had been intense after the basis for his force’s claims about the ban unravelled and the home secretary, Shabana Mahmood, said she had no confidence in him.

Edward Brandt sentenced to 20 weeks in prison after behaviour left Tory peer ‘in fear of sexual violence’

A former councillor has been jailed for 20 weeks after stalking Penny Mordaunt, which the former Cabinet minister said left her fearing “sexual violence”.

Edward Brandt, a professional sailor, had been found guilty of the offence but was acquitted of a more serious charge of stalking involving serious alarm or distress.